I’ve been having several conversations with people and the topic of emotional honesty has come up fairly often. Things have shifted in our society where mental health is talked about more often–and not just for those who struggle with mental illness, but even those who just want to take care of their mind.
I think this is great! More people should take care of their mental health by seeking out a therapist or counselor. I know so many people who have benefited from seeing a counselor and I know many who have been helped through their faith and communities of fellow believers. Plus, there should be less shame in sharing how we are feeling with others, but especially with ourselves. So I want to talk about being honest.
Take a seat, let’s chat!
Let’s Be Honest With Ourselves
We live in a world that is hyper connected, yet despite the connectivity available through social media there is an isolating factor. Maybe it’s in “wanting” comparison–it’s easy to look at others online and see the things they have and you maybe feel like you need what they have. Or maybe it’s “annoyance” comparison–people sharing in ways you don’t like or would never do, and you think it’s over sharing; this is kind of the opposite spectrum of the wanting comparison.
With all this new talk of mental health many people have disconnected from social media because of these issues. Although these weren’t a pressing issue for me, I thought it may still be best to step away and focus on the here and now.
As I slowly disconnected from social media (holding off on posting or making stories, or whatever else) I have realized how bored I am. I mean, I knew to some degree, yeah I would mindlessly scroll through Instagram, but this little personal experiment really highlighted my natural instinct when boredom struck. This is where I saw many of my bad habits come into play: I am quick to run to shopping in my boredom; binge watch Netflix; rest or nap for hours. Although in moderation these aren’t bad, for me going to these things out of boredom was actually just draining me of a happy, productive life. SO instead of scrolling through Pinterest, Reddit, or Instagram I decided I wanted to go out more, practice a hobby, teach myself something new, read more books, etc.
As I did these I’ve seen a growth in wanting to read more (both in my Bible time, or in whatever fiction book I have in my car), to go out and meet new people, or to do something new. And sometimes, all I want to do is rest because I am an introvert and I need to recharge–that’s totally fine! These things didn’t flip a switch in my life to instantly happy and productive, but continuously choosing to spend my time and money on experiences instead of social media or shopping has been so beneficial. Also, I found whatever pressures or comparison issues you feel seem to vanish when you’re focus is on experiencing life in the here and now.
Sure I would grab my phone and take pictures or videos, but it wasn’t with the intent of “let’s make this insta-perfect so I can get X likes;” it was more that I just wanted to remember the fun times.
Additionally, as I stepped away, I started processing through my feelings and thoughts more. Part of having a healthy mind is being aware of your emotions and thoughts. These are both as important as the other, yet neither should be relied on.
For me, I process these mainly through prayer and reading of God’s word. Meditating on these while looking at my emotions and thoughts has helped me tremendously.
Embrace how you feel–whether it is a positive emotion, or not so positive. Don’t dwell in those though, but understanding how you feel is important. Feelings can be irrational–let’s be honest, it’s true and you have to admit to yourself and others when you sense your feelings are irrational. When I am hyper-emotional and sobbing or in a tizzy I will, in my fit, exclaim “I know I am being irrational but that’s how I feel so give me that dang cookie!” Or something of that nature.
Similarly, my thoughts–though seemingly more rational–cannot be relied on because there can be lack of compassion or empathy. If I spout out my “rational thoughts” I can really cause damage to others, and not because they are “too emotional” or “too sensitive”–no they’re not the problem, my blunt blows can just be hurtful and I need to apologize and chill.
On this journey of honesty and mental health, or whatever it was, I found I was often holding back. I wasn’t being honest about my feelings or thoughts and I felt lonely. When I realized this I saw quickly something needed to change because this could easily spiral into depression for me.
Honesty with yourself is so beneficial to your own mental health, and to others in your life. Speaking of others…
Let’s Be Honest With Others
If you’re anything like me sharing honestly with others isn’t something you do. Maybe you’re afraid of feelings and you prefer not to have any; or that you just don’t know how to express your thoughts and feelings and you don’t want to come off as nonsensical; or maybe you also feel this sense of loneliness, or depression and you think there’s nothing you can do or say that could help–if this is where you are I would encourage you to seek a therapist or counselor. This goes hand in hand with being honest with yourself because it’s a lot harder to be honest with others if you’re not being honest with yourself.
Hiding behind “Oh, I’m fine” isn’t helping anyone. There is no shame in saying, “I’m not fine” and allowing someone to enter in on what you’re feeling or struggling with. Be it a friend, a pastor or elder, a counselor or therapist, etc.
Maybe you’re not going through anything major and you’re just feeling bored or lonely–be honest about that too! Reach out to a friend and hang out. “Hey, I’ve missed you and I want to catch up over coffee or hot cocoa” or “I’ve been pretty down lately, want to visit (insert local place you’ve wanted to visit) with me this weekend?”
If you have a spontaneous dinner with a friend and they ask how you are, be honest about it–to whatever degree you feel comfortable. Maybe you don’t want to talk about EVERYTHING you’re struggling with or going through, but share even a little bit: “I’m going through a kind of rough patch, but I am working through that and dinner with you, my beloved friend, is super helpful!” That’s fine if you don’t want to pour your heart and soul over your shrimp rotini entree, but still be honest about how you really are. THEN ask how they are and encourage them to share too!
This whole “how are you” being a greeting instead of an authentic question should be squandered. I often ask follow up questions to show I genuinely want to know how you are.
If you also switch off from social media for a while, talk about that–why did you do it? how has it been since you switched off? You don’t need to dive into serious talk the entire time, but sharing even those little things is such a relief.
My beloved reader, I hope you would feel comfortable and safe reaching out to me, a close friend, or a loved one and share honestly about what’s going through your mind and heart. I hope you can find the courage to seek help from a therapist or counselor if you sense you could benefit from one, too!
I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week, OH! and let me know of what you look forward to seeing in the next post!
With Love,
L.S
W I T H - L O V E 